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Are You Talking To Me?

05 Mar
March 5, 2013
 As seen in the March 5th edition of the Red Bluff Daily News
When I write provocative or challenging columns, inevitably, someone sends me an email, a Face Book message or comments to me directly telling me that they thought I had them in mind when I wrote that column. The truth is, the only columns that are about someone specifically are the You Matter columns.
Most of the time, I choose a topic for my column from something I have witnessed, experienced, read or seen. I never know what is going to resonate with me and give me pause, and later, spill over onto the key board. Sometimes I write my column, moments before it is due to the newspaper and sometimes I write two or three at a time, when I am inspired or influenced.
I have been accused over the last nearly six years of writing, of taking jabs at my ex, airing dirty laundry about friends and using my personal experiences as fuel to my writing fire. I admit, in the earliest of days when I was new to writing my column and reshaping my thinking, that was the case, from time to time. It wasn’t a conscious Taylor Swift sort penning of my angst, but a way of sharing my point of view. I also admit, that my writing has matured over time, just as I have.
I have a passion to teach. I have a passion to heal my inner child that never actually had a child hood. I realize now that my early years forced an unreasonable sense of responsibility on me. As an adult and as a mother who broke the chain of abuse and neglect, I see that I spent my whole life trying to make sure everyone around me was propped up to avoid personal pain. In my warped thinking, I had surmised that if I could keep you happy, I could avoid your anger, which in turn, meant I could be happy.
I write for many people. I write for people who may feel stuck, people who live in fear and regret. I write for victims and victimizers; for the bitter and the better. I write to inspire and to challenge your mind. I want to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable. I want to help you face your truth, by showing you mine. Like you, I am afraid of the unknown, but perhaps unlike you, I have been given the strength to step out into the unknown with a faith that everything’s going to be all right.
I face weekly challenges in my column. I am not the best at grammar and punctuation and sometimes I cringe when I see the typo’s that missed my edit. I have had help with editing and I have gone at it alone. Depending on your level of critiquing, my written missteps may or may not affect my credibility. It doesn’t deter me from my passion.
When someone asks me directly or indirectly if I am writing about them, here’s what I think- If what I say resonates with you or causes a light bulb to go off in your head, then yes, I am talking about you. If what I say inspires you, confronts your behavior or sets you conscience on fire, yes, I am talking to you. If my words collide with your passions, your weaknesses or your fears, I am talking to you.
Nothing makes me happier than writing a You Matter column. Nothing brings me greater pleasure than to publicly speak truth about someone in this community who is a gift, simply for existing. My gesture and ministry to make every day people aware of their awesome presence on this Earth is who I am at the core. So, if you see yourself in one of my ordinary columns, be assured that the resemblance is coincidence at best. Nonetheless, I spent many years reading works from authors I cherish and seeing myself in their writing. Recognizing my flaws, my gifts and hearing that still small voice in my head whispering that I can change. You can change. Perhaps I am talking to you after all.

Are You Talking To Me?

05 Mar
March 5, 2013
 As seen in the March 5th edition of the Red Bluff Daily News
When I write provocative or challenging columns, inevitably, someone sends me an email, a Face Book message or comments to me directly telling me that they thought I had them in mind when I wrote that column. The truth is, the only columns that are about someone specifically are the You Matter columns.
Most of the time, I choose a topic for my column from something I have witnessed, experienced, read or seen. I never know what is going to resonate with me and give me pause, and later, spill over onto the key board. Sometimes I write my column, moments before it is due to the newspaper and sometimes I write two or three at a time, when I am inspired or influenced.

Joy Thieves

26 Feb
February 26, 2013

Joy Thieves

26 Feb
February 26, 2013

As posted in the Red Bluff Daily News today!

If I asked you what you wanted in life, most of you would pop off with the plain and simple answer, “I want to be happy.” That happiness is a relative term that may mean an overall state of being or the collecting of a life that includes things that make you happy.
Your happiness can manifest into your life in more ways than I can put into one column, but I can tell you the things that will steal your happiness within my five hundred word limit.
Gossiping, complaining, fault finding, making critical comments, being rude, being judgemental, telling secrets or any other negative activity will steal your joy. Engaging in these behaviors or associating with people who make these behaviors a part of their every day lives will lead to the theft of your joy.

A Good Kick In The Butt

19 Feb
February 19, 2013
As published in the Red Bluff Daily News 2/19/2013
 
 
I went to a great marketing and business workshop this month in Atlanta.

I met with business owners from all over the nation who are successfully earning a living doing what they love.

I got to meet two of my personal coaches in person and met a few more men and women who are helping to launch my dreams into the success atmosphere.

I was listening to one of my newest coaches on a podcast this morning and she was talking about her personal experience at the workshop and that the greatest gift she took away from her time was getting her butt kicked.

That because people she knew and trusted were calling her out on her crap, she was going to be a better business owner.

That’s the benefit of coaching. A coach is only going to let you go so far without calling you out on what is keeping you from what you say you want.

You can talk the talk, but if you have a coach you can only talk for so long before you need to walk the walk.

What element of life do you want to change? What would you accomplish if you had the know how, a road map and support? Who could you be if you only took the risk?

There are three phases to making yourself into a success in any area of life. You begin with the dream and the intoxication of the dream propels you forward. It encourages you, compels you to take the next steps.

Taking action comes next. You take purposeful steps to get what you want into your life. You


make changes, get education, take literal action towards your goal.

The final phase is the reporting back. This is when you have accomplished what you set out to do and can report back what you have completed.

Many people get stuck in the dreaming forward and taking action phases. I know I sure did. The reasons can be as varied as the set backs themselves.

For me, it was usually money or knowledge about minute elements of my business that kept me from reporting back success. I had to make the choice to make the finances and the need to understand a priority. What is your limiting belief?

The fact is that I have learned that you can start whatever you desire and make adjustments as you go. You can list all the reasons why it can’t or won’t work, you can tell yourself that you shouldn’t, couldn’t or had better not make the changes, but that is just fear talking.

Do it afraid. Take the steps into the unknown. It is like stepping into a hot tub, at first the temperature feels too hot, not for you and is uncomfortable.

In just a few moments, you realize that you have adjusted to the temperature and it feels quite nice.

Moving towards your success feels just like this.

The changes feel hard, uncomfortable.

The tasks you need to complete are foreign and daunting.

You may not know all that you need to know to make progress and it feels scary. What you know now feels safe and familiar.

Get a coach and let them kick you in the butt.

Ask a friend to hold you accountable. Ask a clergy member, a mentor, a sibling or your parent.

Involve someone in your life that will be glad to give you the boot when you stall on your progress. Get yourself to the reporting back phase of your dreams.

Keep the result in mind.

How it feels. What you gain by your accomplishment. Weight loss, a better relationship, a degree, a new business, a new job.

All are within your reach and possible if you just get yourself kicked in the butt.

A Good Kick In The Butt

19 Feb
February 19, 2013
As published in the Red Bluff Daily News 2/19/2013
I went to a great marketing and business workshop this month in Atlanta.I met with business owners from all over the nation who are successfully earning a living doing what they love.

I got to meet two of my personal coaches in person and met a few more men and women who are helping to launch my dreams into the success atmosphere.

I was listening to one of my newest coaches on a podcast this morning and she was talking about her personal experience at the workshop and that the greatest gift she took away from her time was getting her butt kicked.

Read more →

Going All In

12 Feb
February 12, 2013

As seen in the Red Bluff Daily News

Every single one of us has dreams. Big dreams. Visions of what life could be.

Each of us has been infused with dreams that could lead to financial independence, making our mark on the world, changing the way things are done or otherwise having a life of fulfillment, whatever that looks like. We lay around and day dream, plan or wish for a better life that has meaning and feels successful. The fact is, in order to do and have these things, we need back bone, not wish bone.

You are capable of being and doing anything you want. You simply have to be willing to go all in. You have to get honest with yourself about what you need to get where you want to go. There is literally nothing in your way except your limiting thoughts.

Read more →

Going All InEvery single one of us has dreams. Big dreams. Visions of what life could be. Each of us has been infused with dreams that could lead to financial independence, making our mark on the world, changing the way things are done or otherwise having a life of fulfillment, whatever that looks like. We lay around and day dream, plan or wish for a better life that has meaning and feels successful. The fact is, in order to do and have these things, we need back bone, not wish bone. You are capable of being and doing anything you want. You simply have to be willing to go all in. You have to get honest with yourself about what you need to get where you want to go. There is literally nothing in your way except your limiting thoughts. There may be literal obstacles in your way, but they are only issues that you need to confront in order to get to where you want to be. In each of us is a success story if we will only open the book and put ink onto the pages of our lives. I can’t tell you how many things I want to say in my columns, but until I put my fingers on the key board, they are never going to be written. You have the power to create whatever life you choose, and I submit to you, that whatever life you are living now, you chose it. I am about to publish two books, I can list the barriers that kept those books inside my head for far too long: I wasn’t talented enough, I didn’t have the right connections, I didn’t have the money, I didn’t have the credibility, I didn’t have the right opportunities, I didn’t have the time, I felt people were mean to me sometimes, I was too fat to be on television to market my material, people would make fun of me, I would have more haters than fans and frankly, I feared criticism. Each one of these thoughts came from a truth. Either something happened that reinforced my fear or my double mindedness got the best of me. I had to choose to override my thoughts and just get some back bone. Ultimately, I wanted to achieve my goal more than I wanted to believe the negative thoughts. Many times I wrote columns, actually writing to myself, convincing myself that I could do this. Sure, negative things happened, but so did positive things. I can’t tell you how many positive emails or comments I get from people who are impacted by what I do, and if someone doesn’t like what I do, that’s alright too. Some will support you and some won’t. It is an accepted statistic that ten percent of people will not like you. Focus on the ninety percent who do and leave the others to their own thoughts. If you have a dream, no matter how unrealistic it may seem, there is only one thing you need to do to achieve it- go all in. Do the things you need to do to get that dream. Take inventory of why you aren’t where you want to be and be honest with yourself about any thing you need to learn, change, lose or gain to get what you want. It will never serve you if you lie to yourself, make excuses for why it isn’t your fault, fair or whatever lame story you tell yourself to justify failure. Look around at people you see as successful. What traits do you see in them? What skill sets do they seem to have? If you can’t identify obvious characteristics, ask them. You deserve to be your happiest. You deserve to share your talents with the world. You deserve to enjoy your life every day. Go all in. Leave the wishbone for the turkey and get yourse

12 Feb
February 12, 2013

Finding Peace In Stress

05 Feb
February 5, 2013

If I asked you, would you admit that you have character flaws that need improving? If I asked you, would you be able to tell me with all honesty, those parts of you that could benefit from some improvement?
When life is even keeled and the waters are calm, it is easy to see ourselves as good people who are accommodating and willing to bend for other people and their needs. It is easy to take one for the team, or give, when you are feeling your best or have more than enough to share. The behavior you exhibit when everything is lined up precisely doesn’t tell you much about yourself other than how you operate in ideal circumstances.
Evaluating how we operate when circumstances are at their worst, gives us a wonderful opportunity to see our character flaws and address them. Being pressed down by unfavorable situations shows us part of our nature that is often times unflattering, but it is a blessing if you embrace it.
If someone gossips about you, does something mean or nasty to your family, what do you do about it? If you are embarrassed by someone, belittled or shamed, what recourse do you take? If the clerk at the store is rude, if the economy is not ideal for your budget, if sickness wreaks havoc in your life, how do you manage the crisis? Are your go-to emotions, anger, depression, sarcasm and thoughts of revenge? How do you manage jealousy? If someone gets promoted, a new car, takes a vacation or otherwise benefits while you don’t, how do you react? Do you gossip about the merits they lack with other people? Do you resent them in their good fortune and pout privately because you don’t have anything to show for yourself?
Having peace in our lives is an ultimate goal. Peaceful people have an ability to weather storms with ease, like graceful trees in the wind, bending but not breaking. One of the best gifts you can give yourself is realizing what character traits steal your peace. It is through the challenging times that we can see the traits that keep us from peace. How we react to less-than-ideal situations. If money is tight, do you worry? If your spouse doesn’t respond to your text, do you become upset and controlling? If people gossip, do you jump in and join? If your kids are out of control, do you rage and scream at them?
The next time you are steeping in hot water, take a moment to realize how you are feeling. Acknowledge the fact that you are reacting in a negative, passive aggressive or non-peaceful way. Try to pinpoint the exact emotion you are feeling. Analyze it. Give it a name. When you are calm, look at what triggered that response in you and find ways to overcome it. You can change anything about yourself that doesn’t suit you, all you need to do is know what makes you think the way you do and why. Once you have the power of knowledge, you have the ultimate power to make change.
Wrestling with the negative emotions brought up by stressful events can be rewarding. Though it is normal to feel negative things, it isn’t a requirement. You don’t have to react to the same old issues the same old way. Once you know a better way to manage disappointment, stress, anxiety, shame, guilt, anger, jealousy, you can have peace. As you build your peace, you will see your positive life experiences expand.

Finding Peace In Stress

05 Feb
February 5, 2013

If I asked you, would you admit that you have character flaws that need improving? If I asked you, would you be able to tell me with all honesty, those parts of you that could benefit from some improvement?
When life is even keeled and the waters are calm, it is easy to see ourselves as good people who are accommodating and willing to bend for other people and their needs. It is easy to take one for the team, or give, when you are feeling your best or have more than enough to share. The behavior you exhibit when everything is lined up precisely doesn’t tell you much about yourself other than how you operate in ideal circumstances.
Evaluating how we operate when circumstances are at their worst, gives us a wonderful opportunity to see our character flaws and address them. Being pressed down by unfavorable situations shows us part of our nature that is often times unflattering, but it is a blessing if you embrace it.
If someone gossips about you, does something mean or nasty to your family, what do you do about it? If you are embarrassed by someone, belittled or shamed, what recourse do you take? If the clerk at the store is rude, if the economy is not ideal for your budget, if sickness wreaks havoc in your life, how do you manage the crisis? Are your go-to emotions, anger, depression, sarcasm and thoughts of revenge? How do you manage jealousy? If someone gets promoted, a new car, takes a vacation or otherwise benefits while you don’t, how do you react? Do you gossip about the merits they lack with other people? Do you resent them in their good fortune and pout privately because you don’t have anything to show for yourself?
Having peace in our lives is an ultimate goal. Peaceful people have an ability to weather storms with ease, like graceful trees in the wind, bending but not breaking. One of the best gifts you can give yourself is realizing what character traits steal your peace. It is through the challenging times that we can see the traits that keep us from peace. How we react to less-than-ideal situations. If money is tight, do you worry? If your spouse doesn’t respond to your text, do you become upset and controlling? If people gossip, do you jump in and join? If your kids are out of control, do you rage and scream at them?
The next time you are steeping in hot water, take a moment to realize how you are feeling. Acknowledge the fact that you are reacting in a negative, passive aggressive or non-peaceful way. Try to pinpoint the exact emotion you are feeling. Analyze it. Give it a name. When you are calm, look at what triggered that response in you and find ways to overcome it. You can change anything about yourself that doesn’t suit you, all you need to do is know what makes you think the way you do and why. Once you have the power of knowledge, you have the ultimate power to make change.
Wrestling with the negative emotions brought up by stressful events can be rewarding. Though it is normal to feel negative things, it isn’t a requirement. You don’t have to react to the same old issues the same old way. Once you know a better way to manage disappointment, stress, anxiety, shame, guilt, anger, jealousy, you can have peace. As you build your peace, you will see your positive life experiences expand.
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