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Archive for category: etiquette

Crusty Sponge Syndrome

12 Mar
March 12, 2013

As seen in today’s edition of the Red Bluff Daily News

One of the interesting things I have noticed about the east coast is people do not ordinarily have fencing around their homes. It is quite common for a neighborhood to have vast open space between houses. You can clearly see into anyone’s yard, even when they have a pool.

Coming from California, this seems virtually unthinkable. We live in a state where privacy is only secondary to preventing a lawsuit. We would never think of having our back yards exposed to everyone’s eye’s or, at a minimum, to everyone’s animals who have no sense of boundaries.

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A Good Kick In The Butt

19 Feb
February 19, 2013
As published in the Red Bluff Daily News 2/19/2013
I went to a great marketing and business workshop this month in Atlanta.I met with business owners from all over the nation who are successfully earning a living doing what they love.

I got to meet two of my personal coaches in person and met a few more men and women who are helping to launch my dreams into the success atmosphere.

I was listening to one of my newest coaches on a podcast this morning and she was talking about her personal experience at the workshop and that the greatest gift she took away from her time was getting her butt kicked.

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A Good Kick In The Butt

19 Feb
February 19, 2013
As published in the Red Bluff Daily News 2/19/2013
 
 
I went to a great marketing and business workshop this month in Atlanta.

I met with business owners from all over the nation who are successfully earning a living doing what they love.

I got to meet two of my personal coaches in person and met a few more men and women who are helping to launch my dreams into the success atmosphere.

I was listening to one of my newest coaches on a podcast this morning and she was talking about her personal experience at the workshop and that the greatest gift she took away from her time was getting her butt kicked.

That because people she knew and trusted were calling her out on her crap, she was going to be a better business owner.

That’s the benefit of coaching. A coach is only going to let you go so far without calling you out on what is keeping you from what you say you want.

You can talk the talk, but if you have a coach you can only talk for so long before you need to walk the walk.

What element of life do you want to change? What would you accomplish if you had the know how, a road map and support? Who could you be if you only took the risk?

There are three phases to making yourself into a success in any area of life. You begin with the dream and the intoxication of the dream propels you forward. It encourages you, compels you to take the next steps.

Taking action comes next. You take purposeful steps to get what you want into your life. You


make changes, get education, take literal action towards your goal.

The final phase is the reporting back. This is when you have accomplished what you set out to do and can report back what you have completed.

Many people get stuck in the dreaming forward and taking action phases. I know I sure did. The reasons can be as varied as the set backs themselves.

For me, it was usually money or knowledge about minute elements of my business that kept me from reporting back success. I had to make the choice to make the finances and the need to understand a priority. What is your limiting belief?

The fact is that I have learned that you can start whatever you desire and make adjustments as you go. You can list all the reasons why it can’t or won’t work, you can tell yourself that you shouldn’t, couldn’t or had better not make the changes, but that is just fear talking.

Do it afraid. Take the steps into the unknown. It is like stepping into a hot tub, at first the temperature feels too hot, not for you and is uncomfortable.

In just a few moments, you realize that you have adjusted to the temperature and it feels quite nice.

Moving towards your success feels just like this.

The changes feel hard, uncomfortable.

The tasks you need to complete are foreign and daunting.

You may not know all that you need to know to make progress and it feels scary. What you know now feels safe and familiar.

Get a coach and let them kick you in the butt.

Ask a friend to hold you accountable. Ask a clergy member, a mentor, a sibling or your parent.

Involve someone in your life that will be glad to give you the boot when you stall on your progress. Get yourself to the reporting back phase of your dreams.

Keep the result in mind.

How it feels. What you gain by your accomplishment. Weight loss, a better relationship, a degree, a new business, a new job.

All are within your reach and possible if you just get yourself kicked in the butt.

Finding Peace In Stress

05 Feb
February 5, 2013

If I asked you, would you admit that you have character flaws that need improving? If I asked you, would you be able to tell me with all honesty, those parts of you that could benefit from some improvement?
When life is even keeled and the waters are calm, it is easy to see ourselves as good people who are accommodating and willing to bend for other people and their needs. It is easy to take one for the team, or give, when you are feeling your best or have more than enough to share. The behavior you exhibit when everything is lined up precisely doesn’t tell you much about yourself other than how you operate in ideal circumstances.
Evaluating how we operate when circumstances are at their worst, gives us a wonderful opportunity to see our character flaws and address them. Being pressed down by unfavorable situations shows us part of our nature that is often times unflattering, but it is a blessing if you embrace it.
If someone gossips about you, does something mean or nasty to your family, what do you do about it? If you are embarrassed by someone, belittled or shamed, what recourse do you take? If the clerk at the store is rude, if the economy is not ideal for your budget, if sickness wreaks havoc in your life, how do you manage the crisis? Are your go-to emotions, anger, depression, sarcasm and thoughts of revenge? How do you manage jealousy? If someone gets promoted, a new car, takes a vacation or otherwise benefits while you don’t, how do you react? Do you gossip about the merits they lack with other people? Do you resent them in their good fortune and pout privately because you don’t have anything to show for yourself?
Having peace in our lives is an ultimate goal. Peaceful people have an ability to weather storms with ease, like graceful trees in the wind, bending but not breaking. One of the best gifts you can give yourself is realizing what character traits steal your peace. It is through the challenging times that we can see the traits that keep us from peace. How we react to less-than-ideal situations. If money is tight, do you worry? If your spouse doesn’t respond to your text, do you become upset and controlling? If people gossip, do you jump in and join? If your kids are out of control, do you rage and scream at them?
The next time you are steeping in hot water, take a moment to realize how you are feeling. Acknowledge the fact that you are reacting in a negative, passive aggressive or non-peaceful way. Try to pinpoint the exact emotion you are feeling. Analyze it. Give it a name. When you are calm, look at what triggered that response in you and find ways to overcome it. You can change anything about yourself that doesn’t suit you, all you need to do is know what makes you think the way you do and why. Once you have the power of knowledge, you have the ultimate power to make change.
Wrestling with the negative emotions brought up by stressful events can be rewarding. Though it is normal to feel negative things, it isn’t a requirement. You don’t have to react to the same old issues the same old way. Once you know a better way to manage disappointment, stress, anxiety, shame, guilt, anger, jealousy, you can have peace. As you build your peace, you will see your positive life experiences expand.

Finding Peace In Stress

05 Feb
February 5, 2013

If I asked you, would you admit that you have character flaws that need improving? If I asked you, would you be able to tell me with all honesty, those parts of you that could benefit from some improvement?
When life is even keeled and the waters are calm, it is easy to see ourselves as good people who are accommodating and willing to bend for other people and their needs. It is easy to take one for the team, or give, when you are feeling your best or have more than enough to share. The behavior you exhibit when everything is lined up precisely doesn’t tell you much about yourself other than how you operate in ideal circumstances.
Evaluating how we operate when circumstances are at their worst, gives us a wonderful opportunity to see our character flaws and address them. Being pressed down by unfavorable situations shows us part of our nature that is often times unflattering, but it is a blessing if you embrace it.
If someone gossips about you, does something mean or nasty to your family, what do you do about it? If you are embarrassed by someone, belittled or shamed, what recourse do you take? If the clerk at the store is rude, if the economy is not ideal for your budget, if sickness wreaks havoc in your life, how do you manage the crisis? Are your go-to emotions, anger, depression, sarcasm and thoughts of revenge? How do you manage jealousy? If someone gets promoted, a new car, takes a vacation or otherwise benefits while you don’t, how do you react? Do you gossip about the merits they lack with other people? Do you resent them in their good fortune and pout privately because you don’t have anything to show for yourself?
Having peace in our lives is an ultimate goal. Peaceful people have an ability to weather storms with ease, like graceful trees in the wind, bending but not breaking. One of the best gifts you can give yourself is realizing what character traits steal your peace. It is through the challenging times that we can see the traits that keep us from peace. How we react to less-than-ideal situations. If money is tight, do you worry? If your spouse doesn’t respond to your text, do you become upset and controlling? If people gossip, do you jump in and join? If your kids are out of control, do you rage and scream at them?
The next time you are steeping in hot water, take a moment to realize how you are feeling. Acknowledge the fact that you are reacting in a negative, passive aggressive or non-peaceful way. Try to pinpoint the exact emotion you are feeling. Analyze it. Give it a name. When you are calm, look at what triggered that response in you and find ways to overcome it. You can change anything about yourself that doesn’t suit you, all you need to do is know what makes you think the way you do and why. Once you have the power of knowledge, you have the ultimate power to make change.
Wrestling with the negative emotions brought up by stressful events can be rewarding. Though it is normal to feel negative things, it isn’t a requirement. You don’t have to react to the same old issues the same old way. Once you know a better way to manage disappointment, stress, anxiety, shame, guilt, anger, jealousy, you can have peace. As you build your peace, you will see your positive life experiences expand.

Parents Are Teachers

15 Jan
January 15, 2013
There was a time when all of the hierarchy of social life was based on survival of the fittest. I doubt in cave man times that hunters shared a piece of saber toothed tiger with the guy who sat in the cave while the others hunted. That guy either learned to hunt or he starved, didn’t get a mate, didn’t have warm furs to wear and he probably was bludgeoned by someone who didn’t want him taking up space without contributing. Likewise, I am not sure that I want a future with leaders who only played on teams where they didn’t keep score and everyone always got a high five, there were no grades given in their classes and if they didn’t “feel” like doing something, it was alright.
I have no answers for the complexities of whether we should strive for achievement or for a world where no one need excel because in the end, aren’t we all in this together, but the fact is, if I am in pain, I want the best doctor. If we are attacked, I want the best military and if we need leadership, I want the most qualified people at the helm. There are children out there who are self starting, motivated kids by nature, but there are also kids who need to be taught the values and virtues of getting it done.
Most people tend to parent as they were parented. There are those who resent their childhood so much that they put concerted effort into become the parents they never had. No matter what type of parenting you had, it is fundamental to teach children the skills they will need to achieve in their adulthood. If you wait to let them figure it out on their own, they will be stunted in their growth curve when they leave your house. If you think that they will learn it in school, you are wrong.
It is vital that you teach your children how to do stuff that they don’t want to do, because we all know that our adult lives are filled with things we don’t want to do. Teach kids that mediocrity is as cancerous as smoking weed or cigarettes. Be honest with your children that it doesn’t matter if their teacher is a jerk, dork or worse, they need to learn to deal with those types of people and come out on top, because in life, those people are everywhere and sometimes they are your boss and you can’t go to the counseling office and ask to be reassigned.
Teach your kids that if they want it, they have to want it more than mom and dad. They can expect and receive your support and all of the benefits of your wisdom, maybe you can even open a few doors for them, but ultimately, they have to walk through the doors and they have to do the work. If they don’t know what to do in life, teach them and then require them to use the new found knowledge. Teach kids what they can’t figure out on their own, and allow them to figure out the things they can. Self discovery is as important as mentorship, they go hand in hand.
Teaching kids is like a verse from the great Kenny Rogers song, you got know when to hold ’em know when to fold ’em. There is a balance between giving them tools, supports and things and requiring them to earn tools, supports and things.

Parents Are Teachers

15 Jan
January 15, 2013
There was a time when all of the hierarchy of social life was based on survival of the fittest. I doubt in cave man times that hunters shared a piece of saber toothed tiger with the guy who sat in the cave while the others hunted. That guy either learned to hunt or he starved, didn’t get a mate, didn’t have warm furs to wear and he probably was bludgeoned by someone who didn’t want him taking up space without contributing. Likewise, I am not sure that I want a future with leaders who only played on teams where they didn’t keep score and everyone always got a high five, there were no grades given in their classes and if they didn’t “feel” like doing something, it was alright.
I have no answers for the complexities of whether we should strive for achievement or for a world where no one need excel because in the end, aren’t we all in this together, but the fact is, if I am in pain, I want the best doctor. If we are attacked, I want the best military and if we need leadership, I want the most qualified people at the helm. There are children out there who are self starting, motivated kids by nature, but there are also kids who need to be taught the values and virtues of getting it done.
Most people tend to parent as they were parented. There are those who resent their childhood so much that they put concerted effort into become the parents they never had. No matter what type of parenting you had, it is fundamental to teach children the skills they will need to achieve in their adulthood. If you wait to let them figure it out on their own, they will be stunted in their growth curve when they leave your house. If you think that they will learn it in school, you are wrong.
It is vital that you teach your children how to do stuff that they don’t want to do, because we all know that our adult lives are filled with things we don’t want to do. Teach kids that mediocrity is as cancerous as smoking weed or cigarettes. Be honest with your children that it doesn’t matter if their teacher is a jerk, dork or worse, they need to learn to deal with those types of people and come out on top, because in life, those people are everywhere and sometimes they are your boss and you can’t go to the counseling office and ask to be reassigned.
Teach your kids that if they want it, they have to want it more than mom and dad. They can expect and receive your support and all of the benefits of your wisdom, maybe you can even open a few doors for them, but ultimately, they have to walk through the doors and they have to do the work. If they don’t know what to do in life, teach them and then require them to use the new found knowledge. Teach kids what they can’t figure out on their own, and allow them to figure out the things they can. Self discovery is as important as mentorship, they go hand in hand.
Teaching kids is like a verse from the great Kenny Rogers song, you got know when to hold ’em know when to fold ’em. There is a balance between giving them tools, supports and things and requiring them to earn tools, supports and things.

Manners Matter

08 Jan
January 8, 2013

As printed in the 1/08/2013 edition of the Red Bluff Daily News

Every once in a while, I get a request from someone in the community to write about something that matters to them. For one community member, manners matter. In particular, thank you cards and RSVP’s. According to her experience, both are rarely used anymore and are sorely missed.
How many of you sent out thank you notes after receiving holiday gifts? When you were invited to all of the holiday gatherings, did you let the host know if you would be there or did you simply leave them hanging, not knowing how much food they should prepare or how many places to set for dinner? What’s worse, did you say you would be there, get too busy, and not show up? Or worse still, did you let them know at the very last second what your plans were? If you did go, did you think to bring a hostess gift? Do you even know what a hostess gift is?
Manners matter. Being gracious shows character and should be taught in childhood. Children tend to adopt the morals and values they learn as children in their adult life. My girls wrote thank you cards for every occasion as they grew up, when they graduated, I told them I expected them to continue the practice as adults. If they don’t, its on them, not me. It doesn’t take much time at all to write a small, heartfelt thank you note to someone who went out of their way to give you a gift.
Keep various boxes of thank you and blank note cards at home for you and your children to use. If you are of the crafty variety, you can even make note cards on your own or with your children. Every effort you make to teach the importance of gratitude will multiply in your family. When your child receives an invitation to a party, show them the RSVP and tell them how important it is to contact the host. Have them listen to you call with your acceptance or decline. Tell your child why it is important to contact a host. In these economic times it is important to help a host know if they should be baking a cake at home, or ordering one from Costco to feed all of the guests.
Imagine yourself sitting at home with your Pampered Chef representative waiting for the women (and maybe men) to attend your party. Imagine the pain and embarrassment you would feel if no one came. The sense of being forgotten, unimportant or humiliated would be prevail. It would not occur to you that every single one of your invited guests had either a prior commitment, the stomach flu or not enough spare money to attend. In that moment of abandonment horror, sitting alone with a Pampered Chef rep who will be making no money that night, you would simply feel sick to your stomach. You would dread work the next morning facing the very women (and men) who blew you off. The fact is, none of them knew that they weren’t the only ones who didn’t show up. To them it was a small thing to be unable to make it to your party, but to you it was a social devastation. How much easier would it have been to contact you and say that they could not be there. A simple heads up. After you saw that no one could make it, you would have the ability to contact your Pampered Chef rep and cancel or reschedule and all would be right in your world.
It’s the new year. Time to start fresh and new in all things. Make manners a priority this and every year. Bring teaching moments into your home and model the importance of thank you notes, RSVP’s, hostess gifts and the like for your family.
If you have a topic of interest that you would like represented in a column this year, send your request to lifecoach@shasta.comfor consideration.

Manners Matter

08 Jan
January 8, 2013

As printed in the 1/08/2013 edition of the Red Bluff Daily News

Every once in a while, I get a request from someone in the community to write about something that matters to them. For one community member, manners matter. In particular, thank you cards and RSVP’s. According to her experience, both are rarely used anymore and are sorely missed.
How many of you sent out thank you notes after receiving holiday gifts? When you were invited to all of the holiday gatherings, did you let the host know if you would be there or did you simply leave them hanging, not knowing how much food they should prepare or how many places to set for dinner? What’s worse, did you say you would be there, get too busy, and not show up? Or worse still, did you let them know at the very last second what your plans were? If you did go, did you think to bring a hostess gift? Do you even know what a hostess gift is?
Manners matter. Being gracious shows character and should be taught in childhood. Children tend to adopt the morals and values they learn as children in their adult life. My girls wrote thank you cards for every occasion as they grew up, when they graduated, I told them I expected them to continue the practice as adults. If they don’t, its on them, not me. It doesn’t take much time at all to write a small, heartfelt thank you note to someone who went out of their way to give you a gift.
Keep various boxes of thank you and blank note cards at home for you and your children to use. If you are of the crafty variety, you can even make note cards on your own or with your children. Every effort you make to teach the importance of gratitude will multiply in your family. When your child receives an invitation to a party, show them the RSVP and tell them how important it is to contact the host. Have them listen to you call with your acceptance or decline. Tell your child why it is important to contact a host. In these economic times it is important to help a host know if they should be baking a cake at home, or ordering one from Costco to feed all of the guests.
Imagine yourself sitting at home with your Pampered Chef representative waiting for the women (and maybe men) to attend your party. Imagine the pain and embarrassment you would feel if no one came. The sense of being forgotten, unimportant or humiliated would be prevail. It would not occur to you that every single one of your invited guests had either a prior commitment, the stomach flu or not enough spare money to attend. In that moment of abandonment horror, sitting alone with a Pampered Chef rep who will be making no money that night, you would simply feel sick to your stomach. You would dread work the next morning facing the very women (and men) who blew you off. The fact is, none of them knew that they weren’t the only ones who didn’t show up. To them it was a small thing to be unable to make it to your party, but to you it was a social devastation. How much easier would it have been to contact you and say that they could not be there. A simple heads up. After you saw that no one could make it, you would have the ability to contact your Pampered Chef rep and cancel or reschedule and all would be right in your world.
It’s the new year. Time to start fresh and new in all things. Make manners a priority this and every year. Bring teaching moments into your home and model the importance of thank you notes, RSVP’s, hostess gifts and the like for your family.
If you have a topic of interest that you would like represented in a column this year, send your request to lifecoach@shasta.comfor consideration.
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